Ever since the operation to pin my ears back I have been terrified of all needles. I wont go into the details of what went wrong, but I will tell you that some needles went too far in. Since then I have been a nightmare for doctors. Health is important so I always push myself to go to appointments but at a cost. I will have panic attacks in the days leading up to the appointment, be physically sick on the day and pass out during and after the appointment. It got to the point where a doctor would only have to say the words ‘blood test’ and I would faint…

With that in mind, my desire to get a tattoo was blockaded by my phobia. There were many times in the past when I thought I was ready but then cancelled as the result of panicking. I am telling you all of this because I know that there are others out there who have a phobia of needles that would love to get tattoos, and I want to let you know that I completely understand how you feel but please believe me when I say that it is no where near as bad as it seems in our imagination.

On the 11th February 2020 I finally got myself to get my first tattoo. I booked it two weeks before – enough time to make sure that I want the tattoo, but minimal time for me to cancel as the result of panic. Before I go into the details of how it felt, I just want to emphasise the importance of researching the tattooist. I was lucky because my friend had a large tattoo two years ago by the same guy so I knew that he was trustworthy hygienic tattooist.

After a long night or worrying, a panic attack and barely any sleep it was time to get the tattoo. With my sugary drink, sweets and chocolate I walked through the doors to be greeted by a lovely relaxed man. My loving boyfriend came to support me and share the moment that I make a permanent addition to my identity. When I arrived I spoke to the tattooist about my design, edited the size and narrowed the font – it is SO IMPORTANT to tell the tattooist if you want any changes because it will be on your skin forever!

Once the design was completed it was printed onto a stencil while I filled out some paperwork; just simple questions to ensure that you are legally old enough and some contact details. We went through the door to the tattoo room – a white hygienic room with a VERY comfy black leather chair for the customer to relax on. The tattooist cleaned my arm then asked where exactly I wanted the tattoo so that he could place the stencil on me.

It was time. The stencil was in place and after around 10-minutes of him setting up the equipment it was time for the needle gun to touch my skin.

I laughed at myself. To me it felt like I was being lightly pinched. I felt like an idiot for worrying so much about the needles going into me. It feels NOTHING like a medical needle at all. Once I realised that it wasn’t painful and that you do not feel the needles going in and out of the skin, I turned my head to watch the tattooist at work.

This is design of my first tattoo:

This tattoo means a lot to me. My family keep me going when I get down. They mean the absolute world to me. The little paw print is for our adorable family dog Jessie who sadly passed away in December 2019 while I was at university. Not being able to say goodbye was a weird feeling that I couldn’t shake – She was there when I went to university and then suddenly she is gone. My way of coming to terms with it and having something to remember her by is to get the paw print above the ‘i’. She will always be part of our family.

It is taking some time to adjust to having a tattoo on my arm but I absolutely love it.

If you have a needle phobia and want a tattoo please push yourself to get through those doors because it is nothing like what your imagining. One thing that my boyfriend said to me that really helped was
” It is only a short period of time to face your phobia to get something that lasts a life time and builds on your identity”.
This was stuck in my head the whole time and was ultimately got me through the door because it is true. If you can push yourself to face your fear for a short time you will benefit from having a tattoo that lasts a life time.

I hope you enjoyed this little blog about getting my first tattoo and I hope that it helps some of you face your fear!

Do you have a tattoo?
Do you want a tattoo?
What would your first/next tattoo be?